January 23 2022, 1 Samuel 18:1-3, “New Year's Resolutions: Friendships”

The well known comedian and movie man Bill Murray is attributed with saying “Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like, “Yep, I like this one,’ and you just do stuff with them.”

Scripture and science agree on this: Friendships are vitally important and loneliness can be detrimental to our health.

ln 1905 a Boston physician named Joseph Pratt organized weekly meetings for patients with tuberculosis. He was simply trying to teach them better health habits; surprisingly, he discovered that the groups also excelled at providing emotional support. He concluded that by sharing about their "common disease" they developed a "common bond."

ln a more recent study at Stanford University, a pair of researchers reviewed over 200 studies on group therapy and concluded that group members "develop close bonds with the other members and are deeply influenced by their acceptance and feedback."

ln 2009 study of those suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder found that 88.3 percent of those who participated in group therapy no longer exhibited PTSD symptoms, versus just 31.3 percent of those who received minimal one-on-one interaction.

There is also evidence that the act of confessing one's faults to a few safe people—enshrined in AA's fifth step—helps in changing addictive patterns. According to the researchers, "Revealing one's deepest flaws and hearing others do likewise forces a person to confront the terrible consequences of their alcoholism—something that is very difficult to do alone."

Nelson Searcy, a mentor to thousands of pastors across denominational lines once said that “We are the average of the five people that we spend the most time around.”

Research studies have shown how having the wrong kinds of friendships can also lead us to adopt negative behaviors. For instance, a 2010 paper published in the Annals of Internal Medicine found that a person is 50 percent more likely to be a heavy drinker if a friend or relative is a heavy drinker. Also, a 2007 study concluded that a person's odds of becoming obese increase by 71 percent if he or she has a same-sex friend who is also obese.

We need friendships, people who will support us and build us up, the kinds of friendships with those who will listen to us and bring life and vitality to our lives because of their presence in our lives. It reminds me of how Joseph Scriven’s hymn “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”, written in 1855. It was a poem that he wrote in Canada and sent it to his mother in Ireland to comfort her and bring her hope. Jesus is the one friend who will never disappoint and will always bring the greatest happiness we can imagine as we put our trust in him.

Scripture

I invite us now to turn to 1 Samuel 18:1-3 as we prepare to here the Word of the Lord this morning. Would you please stand as we hear the Word of the Lord:

As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.

And may glory be to God for the reading and hearing of His Word this morning, “Thanks Be to God”. You may be seated.

Numerous places in the Scripture remind us of two major commands that come straight from God: Love God, and Love Our Neighbors as Ourselves.

In today’s Scripture, Jonathan and David had a friendship that was so deep that Jonathan “loved David as His own soul.” How do you love someone as you love your own soul? My initial thought is this: How would you want someone to love and treat you? Maybe making a list would be a good thing as it would help us not only to define what’s important to us in friendship, but it could also be a list to clarify how we want to interact with other people as well.

Both Jonathan and David were called to fight for the king, and Israel. They fought alongside each other, a commonality in many friendships. The depth of sacrifice that Jonathan and David were called to created a bond between soldiers. They entrusted their lives to each other, and were willing to die for each other. Add to that the fact that it was rooted in God’s will as they were led by the Holy Spirit, and we can quickly recognize why they were so close.

Friendships rooted in our faith have the greatest potential to become the deepest and abiding of all.

The kind of friendship that David and Jonathan enjoyed should lead us to realize that 1) Our deepest friendships require us to be equally yoked in our belief in Jesus Christ and 2) having the deepest of friendships with those not equally yoked in the body of Christ can lead to problems down the road.

May we all be so fortunate to find great friendships. The message of David and Jonathan’s friendship and even friendships you think about in your life is that faith provides a framework in which those friendships can thrive as God nurtures the friendship and provides the glue that can hold friendships together.

One test of genuine friendship is this: when we hear that our friend is in distress, we will want to provide sympathy and comfort that only God can give.

Conversely, I once heard a friend of mine say that she remembers who was there when her loved one died. She also remembers who did not show up. When someone is drowning, we throw them a life preserver. When someone is sad, we hug them. When someone is in need, we help them.

It reminds me of the well known Scripture that says “Greater love has no one than this- that He would lay down His life for His friends.” While we can debate the actual meaning of the Scripture as it is applied to Jesus and in the present day, it reminds us that we want to know that our friends are willing to sacrifice for us because they love us. AND, that’s the kind of friend we need to be as well. Sacrificial love is about serving others.

Job 2:11 says that when “Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him.”

Philip Crosby, in his book March Till They Die, tells of a forced march of American and European soldiers in Korea. In November of 1950, the North Koreans were being pushed north, and they were taking with them the Americans and Europeans they had captured as prisoners of war. It was a terrible march. They were forced to go sometimes twenty miles a day though they were emaciated, hungry, and suffering. Soldiers who couldn't keep up would fall back, and shots rang out. They had been executed.

Philip Crosby and his friends, as they passed close to those GI's who were having a hard time keeping up, would say slowly in a whisper, so as not to be heard, "God is near us in this dark hour. His love is real. His mercy is real. His forgiveness is real. His reward is waiting for us."

Many times I wonder if we shy away from people because we don't know what to say in their hours of distress. Perhaps that's precisely where God wants us to be. He doesn't want us to say anything except “Can I pray for you?”

Someone once said that you can know who your friends are because they will stand with you through thick and thin.

·Elijah and Elisha

2 Kings 2:2 And Elijah said to Elisha, “Please stay here, for the LORD has sent me as far as Bethel.” But Elisha said, “As the LORD lives, and as you yourself live, I will not leave you.” So they went down to Bethel.

As you hear those words from Elijah to Elisha today, those words are also the words that Jesus is speaking to each one of you. Jesus is our friend who will never leave us, forsake us, and always loves us more than we can imagine.

As I think about my friendships, my best friendships by design are with God and Erin.

God, Yahweh, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is my best friend for numerous reasons. He is not only my best friend, He is most deserving of my friendship in return.

God listens to us– “In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation” – Psalm 5:3.

God is honest with us, both our good qualities and the ones that need improvement– He told the woman at the well, “Go and send no more.” He acknowledged her sin, but allowed her the grace to change course. God loves us even when we mess up– “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” – Romans 5:8. Thank God for God’s grace!

God encourages us– “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” – Jeremiah 29:11.

God enjoys spending time with us– “This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth” – 1 Timothy 2:3-4. Why would you want to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to be around you or continually doesn’t bring out the best in you? You don’t just deserve the best, you deserve God best!

I hope that you will take stock today of your friendships.

Ask yourself, “Who are my friends? Who is my best friend in all the world?”

Put it to the test and see what you come up with through the three T’s… time, trust, and transparency.

Who do I spend my time with currently and should I spend time with them? Do I want to spend my time with them?

Can I trust this person? Have they violated my trust and I need to pull back from friendship to the acquaintance zone? Maybe I shouldn’t share as much with them as I do because every friendship cannot satisfy every need of mine.

Do I feel that they are being transparent with me? Am I being transparent with them? Do I want to be transparent with them?

If any of the three t’s are an issue, ask God why you feel that way about the other person and what He wants you to do. He is not in the business of not responding. A lot of times He doesn’t help us because we don’t ask Him. He will lead you if in your friendships if you will allow Him.

Jesus wants to and should fill your best friend slot if you will allow Him.

But in order to do so, He needs your time, trust and transparency. I am reminded again of Joseph Scriven’s hymn from 1855,

What a friend we have in Jesus All our sins and griefs to bear What a privilege to carry Everything to God in prayer

Oh, what peace we often forfeit Oh, what needless pain we bear All because we do not carry Everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged Take it to the Lord in prayer

Can we find a friend so faithful Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness Take it to the Lord in prayer

SALVATION POEM

Recommended Resource: Author: The Skit Guys Title: “Smells Like Bacon: The Skit Guys Guide to Lifelong Friendships”